my father placed death upon my eyelids
as i slept
suicidal ideation applied
with a whipping belt
my lifelong pursuer
this was the year it all caught up
i began to do the blackest math
when i decided my life had no value
did you know
if you stand on the antique blue pedestrian walkway
of the Roebling Suspension Bridge
at the highest point in the middle
it is 100 feet from the base of the bridge falling
to the surging brown currents below
certainly enough to snap a neck upon impact
if one hit just so
blacked out avoiding
the drowning sensation of a body consumed by fire
as it is pulled into the undertow
you will consider
the duct tape needed to affix
your inadequate suicide note to the cold metal
of the wind swept bridge
however if you’re fortunate, you will fail
you won’t be able to bring yourself to jump
no matter how much you ache
refusing to inflict the same pain and betrayal
you’ll see the faces of everyone who loves you
as you throw your leg over the rail
aayoung 