i saw it occur to you once
suddenly
it was in your eyes
but it turned to fear
as it should have

then you looked at my tits
changing your train of thought

i was relieved
but i haven’t forgotten

i have endeavored not to love you

i will never allow myself
that torment

no matter how many times you visit
my insomniac scattered dreams

i want better for you
than me

and i’m sure there will be
a snowy morning
thirty years from now
stranded in the tulsa airport
with a cup of dead coffee

this sentiment
will come back
to haunt me