before you think this selfish of me
please allow me to say this
is an unintentional fantasy

but i hope we die
sitting next to each other
on the A train
in vain

after our bills are paid
obligations met
beloved cats and unrelenting rats
given their milk
on which to feed

our eyes closed
my head resting on your shoulder
your glasses crooked
cheek nestled into my salt and pepper hair
legs crossed toward each other

a cosmos in two pairs of dirty jeans

because you are my only safe place
the only man who has ever cared for
or understood me
without the expectation
of pussy in return

jonathan livingston sea gull seraphim
hitching a rooftop ride above us
humming clash songs
for an eternity
or at least out
to the rockaways

this is holy